yadda yadda 2 : Thanks, gestalt and TA? Sounds interesting.
Part 6
Now that we understand the ego state symbols we can apply them to interactions with others, or transactions as it’s called. As you apply this in every situation it will become more and more natural to think of every interaction as ego states. Keep in mind that it’s only through A that our P and C change; likewise if we are speaking to someone the same principal applies.
There are three types of transactions, complementary, crossed and (complementary and crossed) ulterior transactions. Complementary are like [Father(P): Son, do your homework now or no ice cream. Son(C): Sorry I will] transactions that are parallel with each other, crossed are [Mr X(P): You shut up. Mr Z(P): No, you shut up] and ulterior is explained below. So that we can try to change a person’s beliefs, the futility and strength of transactions needs to be evaluated. We analyse not just what is said but the body language, tone of voice and context.
Let’s say you get a knock on the door to find a well-dressed JW who says ‘Good morning, we are in the neighbour’ and continues on with the sales pitch, you reply hastily ‘My cousin has been shunned by his family just because he decided to leave, what sort of stupid religion is this?’ JW starts as Adult but you respond as Parent because a judgement claim was made. Being that Parent is addressing Child , this transaction is crossed. (Fig. 5.1)
Another example would be that you bump into an elder somewhere and he says ‘Hey where have you been hiding! Why aren’t you attending the meetings?’ And you, a fader, you had a very bad day at work and angry at the religion at this point in time, responds ‘BECAUSE OF THE F*%^#$@ PROTECTING OF PEDOPHILES AND SHUNNING, retard’. It may seem at first that the elder is asking as Adult, just asking a question, but in context what the elder is asking is like a loaded question, a secondary communication, a shepherded protecting his flock following his elders manual to enquire so for disfellowshipping others. The elder is Adult addressing Adult but also Parent addressing Child. Your response is clearly Parent addressing Child so this is an ulterior transaction (Fig. 5.2)